August 12, 2005

When realisation struck like lightning..

Have you ever wake up one morning and realise everything that's been happening throughout your life is a mistake? You're wearing the wrong clothes, sleeping on the wrong bed with the wrong person, and even think that you are inside the wrong body. If you haven't, one thing for sure.. Buffy and Faith have, well.. I mean in terms of switching bodies.

I don't really know whether the realisation is good or not. But maybe there's pro and cons. As usual... God will never put something un-beneficial in this universe. There must be something good it'll bring, no matter shown or hidden.

OK, back to the topic of 'The realisation of living the wrong life'. To tell the truth, it happened to me? Though it is not what i consider a full-blown realisation of mistake.. still, it happened, and still happening. One fine morning, without the 300+API of haze, i woke up and somewhat felt curious. A question of 'Why the L did i live the life i've lived' (ahah! tongue twister..) popped out. It's like... why? Why me? Why this? Why here? Why her? Why am i not straight? Why blogspot? and, well.. you know, things like that.

At that moment of truth, the only thing that seems right for me is to remain in bed, and let the feeling subside. Then only the daily routine can start. Bathe, walk, work, feeling dumberer at work, feeling even dumberer back home.

And then the realisation struck again (mostly due to the dumbness). Why? Is this life materialises as a consequence of the pact i made with The Almighty when my soul was breathed into? Or maybe I was meant to lead another path, but my tenacity/apathy leads me here? Can't help but questioning. One thing good about this realisation is it makes you diagnose and post-mortem your life. And this may promise a better future.

Still, no matter how long-winded the question get, just remember that too much questioning is bad.. very bad. It made you think, reason, and reason s'more. When human infer all the time, it shows that you will never accept that you are capable of doing mistake, hence everyone else is wrong. And it cannot help but exemplifies the doubtness in the Greatest Power. What happen after that?.. let's hope it's not 'The Sky Kingdom'. Uh uh..

They say that the only constant thing in life are changes, thus, we are changing. But because changes create history, hence it is also constant. The great thing is, once you change, you're history.
Ahhh.. the sweet taste of reality+logic!